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Wednesday, August 13th, 2008
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hey everybody! I'm back on the map! I now have a computer after over a year and a half with little to no access so here i am!
just in case you were wondering what's new in my life... i'm getting married!
besides that, my life consists mainly of being devistatingly homesick, super pumped about being awesome, the occasional sewing of vintage inspired dresses, eating a lot of refried bean dip, rocking out so hard, being too nice/too mean to strangers, over indulging in fun poisons, playing tramp and john with the old man (old man boyfriend not old man dad) and sleeping.
xox
tarabelle
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, December 22nd, 2007
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hey kate an kensey,
you shouldn't have left without saying goodbye!!!!!!!
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, December 23rd, 2006
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it's ben almost a year but i'm back, baby. for six days.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, December 6th, 2006
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Friday, December 1st, 2006
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you know you're life is the shits when it's moving day and your new place is too small for too much and it's cold and hailing with ice oated everything and you're sitting in your old kitchen thinking about every other worry you have drinking your ex-roomate lovey kitten's gin straight from the bottle (sorry sarah) and seriously considering a) puking, b) crawling int a dark hole and sleping for a long, long time, or c) continuing life in this sorry dirt poor dead tired existence until something out of your control makes it stop- temporarily or for good.
but then, i love the world. and when blake peeks in at me and gives me that smile with his shining eyes, it makes my fucking day and takes all that shit away!
and i've been here almost a year now and i'm still making t on my own. sort of.
pee ess, i'll be back in the valley from the vingt-trois a le vingt-neuf. call me, or email or something, i guess. love love.
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, October 30th, 2006
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i once met a man with a fiddle,
while i was taking a piddle,
we were both in the can,
along with peter pan,
and i ended up in the middle.
there once was a hobbit named marcus,
who had quite a large carcus,
it fell down a hole,
where it met a mole,
and continued it's life in the darkness.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, October 25th, 2006
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last night, i was totally the shitty partner that i've never wanted to have. and sometimes you gotta be vulnerable, and sometimes you gotta be honest and sometimes you get through.
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, March 18th, 2006
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Friday, February 17th, 2006
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Sunday, January 8th, 2006
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sarah k makes me amazingly happy. we had a "double date" last night and, well... i'm still completely confused. regardless. i am very happy here. there are bazillions of people who i live AND our potluck was a hit. also i might have a job waiting for me.
i feel like such a girl for wanting to be in love again. i like to be the one in control. i like to be held by strong arms.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, December 28th, 2005
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i want i want i want
my my my
me me me
now now now!
-cpt. james hook.
or something
kelly and simone 21 are hot. hot for fucking teahcer birthday blonde brunnette ciggarette love. please excuse all typo's.
also, rockabilly boys are death. so is packing and work and leaving and maybe listening to the weakerthans would make me feel better HA!
in better news, potluck in the diege on the sixth of january. be ther or i'll beat you up. yes, i know that violence isn't the answer, but god, please come. you know why? because i'll be in MONTREAL!
lovers, i love thee... thou? i miss sarah k.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, December 23rd, 2005
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of all the degrading things a woman could be called, i think that a "prime piece of tang" definately cuts the fucking cake.
god, eww.
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, December 20th, 2005
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Sunday, December 18th, 2005
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ohhh dear.
the days are passing by quite quickly now that all my courses are over. i'm scared about airports and bags and zippers and buttons and things being packed up and things being torn apart and things coming undone.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, December 17th, 2005
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| Time: | 11:43 pm. |
| Music: | cocorosie. |
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1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before? i left a two and a half year relationship and moved away from home, to a place that i had never been.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't think that i exactly had made new years resolutions. my priority in life was surviving the next six months, which i obviously did.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? my aunt had a baby girl this past year.
4. Did anyone close to you die? only my own miserable heart.
5. What countries did you visit? quebec is still part of canada, so none, i suppose.
6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? a job in montreal, and therefore, the ability to stay.
7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? saying goodbye to my family and then dave, dancing on a bar top, climbing up mount royal naked, many evenings drinking on the front porch of 128, but most importantly the day before i left montreal, being terrified of loving people and losing them. not being able to look at sarah during amazing dinner. packing boxes and havingthe most incredible nervous breakdown meanwhile feeling like i was losing my soul. blake singing "lonely as me" and me really actually mostly dying inside. sarah singing "person, person." so much love and pain, incredible.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? i made new friends in a strange city, woah.
9. What was your biggest failure? quite possibly my inability to be mentally stable, ever. and losing faith in life sucked pretty bad, too.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? getting my wisdom tooth out was a pain in the ass. i was also pretty stinkin' depressed for awhile. but that's pretty okay now.
11. What was the best thing you bought? my vibrator. these jeans. an amzing pink bra that i got today. i like pretty things.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? not mine.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? my own selfish misery.
14. Where did most of your money go? food, rent, beer, poutine, air and bus fare.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? excellent sex, falling in love with a rockabilly boy, being drunk all the time, falling i love with sarah k., the fact that drama will never depart my life, seeing dave and jesse and simone again. telling my mother i'm going back and not letting her argue.
16. What song will always remind you of 2005? ha. probably just what i needed, by the cars for montreal part I. the cockroaches. the frug, by rilo kiley even though it doens't pertain to me, really, (but i cannot do the smurf), patsy cline, because that is the story of my life. saro jane, sweet blue eyed darlin', gotta travel on, i guess things happen that way, blue moon of kentucky, honkey tonk angels. that;s a good start. oh, and OF COURSE, left and leaving by the weakerthans.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? happier. i was concerned for friends and relationships more so last year. i suppose i've gotten more selfish.
ii. thinner or fatter? i got fatter and then thinner again. i think i must be about the same size, now.
iii. richer or poorer? poorer. i blew 5 grand in montreal. what a dink!
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? maybe readings for MCS 110. maybe more laughing and less crying over changes. probabaly spent more tie with dave and the kids i hung out with before i left comox the first time. all those important ones i seem to have distanced myself from. maybe more sex over the past three or so months, but i imagine the waiting will pay off in good time. perhaps before the year is through!
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? oh, crying. feeling sorry for myself. comparisons. procrastinating. self torture. being an emo silly girl who concerns herself with boys all too much.
20. How will you be spending Christmas? with my mommy and daddy and precious brother. before running away.
21. At any point in this past year did you do something that you consider to be completely out of your usual character? i grew up a little bit, maybe. i don't really think my character is defined enough to say.
22. Did you fall in love in 2005? yes, oh goodness me.
23. How many one-night stands? one, it was my first and i was proud! graham barged into my room the next morning to borrow my flashlight and made the most hilarious, ridiculously embarassing faces at me. oh, the days at 128!
24. What was your favorite TV program? CSI, i guess.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? some dislike has, unfortunately, turned to hate. no biggie though.
26. What was the best book you read? i really liked "lolita," which i successfully stole from daniel, and "the favourite game," 'the sun also rises"... there are more but i... am tired of thinking.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? bluegrass, old time country, that tiny bit of rockabilly that i actually listen to.
28. What did you want and get? i wanted to go back to montreal. i am going back to montreal. how fucking scary is that? also, i wanted him to wait and it seems as though he has.
29. What did you want and not get? Good Grades, i agree with laura here. and i didn't get patience. time and distance didn't disappear, exactly, just passed.
30. What was your favorite film of this year? pfft, no idea. walk the line, i guess. reminds me of blake. silly girl, i am.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i turned 19 and tried to call blake all day while doing jello shooters and smoking a lot and then had a lovely dinner with sheena before continuing in getting completely blasted. didn't get laid.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? i could say "being able to stay in montreal" but i actually think that would be something of a lie. i'm one of those ones that seems to think that things like this happen for some sort of reason.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005? my fashion concept fell apart, basically. my priorities were jarred somewhat, this year.
34. What kept you sane? ha. i'm not anywhere close to being sane. good friends always help, though.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? i'm basically in love with maggie gyllenhaal, but i've lost touch with her.
36. What political issue stirred you the most? i like to stick up for queers.
37. Who did you miss? highschool, simone, and then dave and jesse and the kids in comox, and then blake and sarah and the kids in montreal and the kids in comox that had left while i was gone and 128. and everybody, ever.
38. Who was the best new person you met? sarah k., elizabeth, blake, and so many awesome characters in montreal. goddamn, i was a luck son of a gun to meet so many cool people.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005: i'm a grown-up, now. sort of. sometimes rules get broken, sometimes you just gotta lay down the law and ake a few chances and oh god.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"At my door the leaves are falling
A cold wild wind has come
Sweethearts walk by together
And I still miss someone
I go out on a party
And look for a little fun
But I find a darkened corner
because I still miss someone
Oh, no I never got over those blues eyes
I see them every where
I miss those arms that held me
When all the love was there
I wonder if she's sorry
For leavin' what we'd begun
There's someone for me somewhere
And I still miss someone"
and/or
"And I love this place; the enormous sky, and the faces, hands that I'm haunted by, so why can't I forgive these buildings, these frameworks labeled "Home"?"
or something regarding sex
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Thursday, December 15th, 2005
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as, as well as simone, am procrastinating. but these readings are so hard to get through!
i'm basically screwed, is the point.
also, i'm starting to panic because fifteen days. like, dude.
also, what's the deal with still being so in love with a funny boy who has been far away for four months. what a wacko match. i'm ridiculous.
also, glyn i miss you, and i hope that you'll come visit me one day, because i have a feeling you won't and we'll be done for.
happy birthday dave "jerkface" helmer., i hope she swallows.
man, what a fucking megabitch.
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, December 14th, 2005
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Friday, December 9th, 2005
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Go to your Calendar and find the first entry for each month of 2005. Post a line of it in your journal, and that's your "Year In Review."
January: I'm feeling social and vaguely planning montreal. i am a child. what will it be like to be away from watchful, caring, intrusive eyes?
February: so it's officially official. i got my ticket this morning. i leave for montreal on april 24th. good god.
March: (wtf, i didn't post, so i'm using the last feb post) Everything is changing. games of scrabble, shaking fists, baking bread, drinking wine. two years gone by in a flash, i'll miss you, but i've gotta move on. i listen to the weakerthans and contemplate.
April: I'm leaving so soon and I already miss everybody and everything. i don't know when i'm coming back. i don't know what it will be like to be in a space that isn't mine. what can i expect from this city? where can i find my friends?
May: I lost five pounds from dancing; i danced on a bar. I've been eating lots of poutine. everybody, i love you all but i love it here.
June: I have been sick, i go to shows and read and sometimes make out with a boy named daniel. the question is, why would he hang out with his girlfriend when he could hang out with me?
July: I keep running into said boy and it makes me feel awkward and like a stalker.
August: All of a sudden i managed to fall in love with a rockabilly boy... oh dear. he sings to me and i think he is darling.
September: I'm drunk and alone and only want to be in montreal, all the time. since i've been back i feel like a divided version of myself. All i think about is sarah and blake.
October: There is a cockroaches show and still, all i do is miss people and love people.
November: SO FUCKING STOKED, because i was making what i thought would be and turned out to be the hottest dress ever in life.
December: (my december is really fucked up and somehow my entries keep getting misdated, so i'll improvise) I'M GOING BACK TO MY LOVES!
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absinthesoul's journal